Why Showing Up Matters: Understanding Your Kids' Expectations

"You were never there for me."

"You're only here when you want something from me or to prove me wrong."

If someone asked you if you show up for your kids, you'd probably say “Yes, absolutely. I show up for the games, I show off with their recitals, and I show up when they need my guidance, my advice, and when they need to be disciplined. I think about them all the time, and I pray for them all the time. Of course I show up for my kids.”

So often, parents feel that they show up for their kids, but unfortunately, many kids feel that their parents don't show up for them. It's so heartbreaking for parents who put so much work into raising their kids, and the reward they get is resentment and rejection. Why is that? Where is the disconnect?

Perhaps the disconnect is in the difference between the parents' and children's expectations and understanding of showing up. When parents show up during times that the children don't want to be near them, the children can feel that the parents are nosy and getting into their business. In other times when the children want their parents to show up, the parents are busy with their own things. This disconnect causes frustration, anger, and annoyance.

So when should parents show up? The best answer is to show up when it matters to the kid. How do you know when to show up? Ask them. Find a time and ask them how and when they want you to show up for them. You can also bring the same request to them and articulate when you want your kids to show up for you.

Trusting relationships are about being in sync with one another, and both parties can communicate with each other without fear of judgment, and with a lot of understanding. So show up when it matters.